How to Make Friends and Build Community from Scratch
Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Dare You is a reader-supported publication. To receive weekly posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. 💗
My good friend Jodi came to visit us last week. On her last night here, my husband and I took her out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants walking distance from our home. We are very much the kind of people who enjoy living in a community where we can walk to restaurants and have that “city vibe” that feels like connection is at our fingertips. We sat at the bar and almost immediately saw someone we knew… and then we met someone new… and then we exchanged numbers with the owner of the restaurants wife.
“How are you so good at meeting new people!?” Jodi asked. And before I could reply, she followed up with, “You should write a blog about it!” So this is me writing a blog about it….
I must admit, I do pride myself on making friends with strangers in the oddest places… I mean, I met one of my best friends, Sami, at a Whole Foods! And while I do believe that I naturally have an open and curious personality that makes it easy to connect with others, I also know for a fact that anyone can create a community that fills their cup if they choose to do so.
Having moved to new cities multiple times and created friendships that are fulfilling and last even when one person moves away, I know now that it’s always possible to find your people anywhere in the world. So if you are someone who just moved to a new city, struggles to make new friends, or you are craving a community that embraces you with open arms… here are my top tips for how to build community starting from scratch.
Don’t be afraid to look stupidit’s easy to fall into the trap of being afraid that if you ask someone to hang out, they will say no, and you will feel embarrassed for even trying. But friendship is like dating… not everyone is going to see your greatness, and not everyone is a match. Also, like dating, making friends requires you to put yourself out there in honest and vulnerable ways. That can be scary, and it’s totally natural to feel nervous when asking someone to hang out for the first time. But it is ALWAYS worth trying. Don’t be afraid to be shot down or have someone flake on you… it doesn’t reflect poorly on you but instead shows how brave you are for putting yourself out there.
Skip the table and sit at the barI learned this one from my parents because they always choose to sit at the bar when they go out to eat. Now, it’s one of me and my husband’s favorite things to do, and it’s been one of the easiest ways we’ve made new friends in our new city. When you sit at the bar, you are more likely to start up a chat with the people sitting next to you, and even if you don’t become lifelong friends, they are usually always very interesting conversations. Also, MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR SERVERS. Not only does it feel nice to become “ a regular” a restaurant and have the servers know your name every time you walk in, but the servers will also introduce you to other regulars at the bar. It’s a no brainer.
Write people’s names downOpen up your notes app in your phone and create a note that says “neighbors and people I meet” or something like that. Now, every time you meet someone at a restaurant, a party, or out and about, WRITE THEIR NAME DOWN. I am someone who forgets people’s names easily, but when I write them down on my notes app, I always remember them. I’ll write their name down and the place that I met them or a physical trait that will help me remember them. So next time you run into the person, you wont be freaking out having forgotten their name.
Ask questionsIf you find yourself nervous to make conversation with someone, or a conversation is in a bit of a lull, when in doubt… ask questions! By asking questions, you not only put the other person at ease but you make them feel special and you also get to know them. It shows the other person you are interested, which will, in turn, make them interested in you.
Invite random people to hang out in a group settingThe best way to build community is to invite multiple people to hang out at once. If you have met a few new people that you want to become friends with but are a bit nervous about how to start the friendship, bring them into a group so A. It’s not awkward and B. You are building community and connecting people who would have never met if it wasn’t for you! Even if they don’t connect with you, they may connect you with someone else, which is awesome! And you never know… you could be starting an amazing friend group that you will go on to share many memories with in the years to come!
Making friends and creating community doesn’t have to be complicated…it’s about showing up, being open, and making small moves that signal to others, “I’m here, and I want to connect.” Whether it’s chatting with a stranger at the bar, remembering someone’s name, or sending that “let’s hang out” text even when you’re nervous, each step adds up.
The truth is, connection is everywhere if you’re willing to look for it. Every city, every neighborhood, every coffee shop is full of people who could end up becoming the friends you’ll text in the middle of the night, travel with, or sit with through life’s ups and downs. You just have to be brave enough to start the conversation.
So next time you’re out, smile at someone new, ask a question, or invite a small group to hang out. You never know…you might be one hello away from a lifelong friendship.
-Reid
✨favorite things this week✨
Hunter Boots: I am OBSESSED with my new tall black rain boots. I’ve been pairing them with cute shorts or a mini skirt to keep me looking stylish and feeling good on these last few rainy days of summer.
Merit Beauty Tinted Mineral Sunscreen: I have a confession to make… I literally never wear sunscreen. I have just never been able to find a face sunscreen that isn’t greasy or makes my face oily. UNTIL, I found thins tinted spf 45 by Merit Beauty! I am being so serious when I say this stuff is a game changer. It blends in so well with my skin and feels more like a tented moisturizer than a sunscreen. I am shade 28.
Lulu and Georgia Candle Holder: Ummm… I need these iron candle holders.
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