I Didn't Go To College

The excuses that hold us back.

18 year old me saying “I’m not going to college!” and my sister being like “you do you!”

Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Please subscribe to support my work and receive free weekly posts.

---

Excuses, excuses, excuses. We’re all full of them. One of the things I’m prioritizing at this time in my life is dissolving as many excuses as possible, ideally with swift and fearless vigor.

I was full of excuses as to why I shouldn’t start writing this Substack. The biggest being….. I didn’t go to college. That’s right. I am what some might call “uneducated.” Writing is something I’ve loved to do since I was a kid, but my biggest insecurity in my writing is my lack of fancy words and overall bad grammar. Sometimes, I feel the only consistency in my writing is a run-on sentence. It never mattered to me though. Nothing was ever going to stop me from doing something that I love, but the thought of sharing my work with anyone else truly terrified me. “What if I’m judged or people think I’m stupid?” I’d say to myself.

My decision to not go to college was one that was met with great disapproval from my family. Rightly so. I would be nervous if my kid wanted to skip getting an education. But I was strong in my conviction that the right thing for me was to move to Los Angeles and start my career. I spent the summer prior to my senior year of high school in LA interning at a casting office and taking acting classes. It was the best summer of my life up until that point. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was meant to do. When asking other actors for advice, every single one of them said something along the lines of “I have so much debt from theatre school.” And “If you go to college, don’t go for acting. Study something else that you can use as a back up plan.” And “College was the biggest waste of time and money. All you need is a good acting class out here.” What I gathered was, if I actually went to one of my dream schools like Julliard or NYU’s Tisch School of The Arts, I would be left with a ton of debt, and the pressure to pay it off would get in the way of me actually making it as a working actor. And there was no way I was going to go to school for anything other than what I wanted to do. Realistically, my grades weren’t the best either. So I decided to just not go.

For the most part, I never felt judged. In fact, I was met with quite the opposite reaction in Los Angeles. When you tell someone you didn’t go to college they are usually like “wow, that’s cool of you to just go after what you want!” It’s a city full of artists and entertainers, so people don’t really care if you have a degree or not. Or at least no one said anything to my face. But outside of LA… now that’s a different story. It didn’t start happening til a few years ago. I found myself every couple of months in situations where I felt judged or made to feel inferior for not going to college.

I’m visiting my boyfriend in Austin, TX, and it happened just the other night. I was invited to a “girls night" where I only knew one out of the seven girls circled around the table, drinking wine and eating over cooked veggie kabobs. I was excited to be invited and connect with new people… maybe a bit too excited. Everyone was nice and pleasant for the most part. It was clear based on the conversation that most of the girls had different life experiences than I had. Some had gone to Ivy League schools and a lot the conversation was about lavish summer vacations they had all just been on. Part of me did feel a bit out of place, because I didn’t have much to add to the topic. I can’t remember how it came up…I don’t think anyone asked me cause no one was really asking me any questions about myself, but somehow I was prompted to say “I didn’t go to college.” There was a lull of silence. Did I have something in my teeth? A few awkward seconds passed. “Anyone want more wine?” one of the girls said. The conversation continued, but I couldn’t help but notice how the vibe towards me had shifted. It kinda felt like a scene out of a movie or something.

I’ve always been pretty confident in social situations, but in that moment, I felt completely out of my element. When I got home, my boyfriend asked how it went and I mentioned what happened. He got protective and had the attitude of “screw them!” He himself is super smart and comes from a very academic family that prioritizes a good education. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for him to be with me, an uneducated person. But he’s so wonderful and doesn’t care. He sees me for all of my wonderful qualities and celebrates them. He tells me I’m smart, which makes me feel accepted. God, why did I start caring so much about this recently?

I used my insecurity as an excuse to not share my writing for the longest time. I had so many reasons like “what if people judge me for my bad grammar and basic vocabulary?” But I am done arguing for my limitations. What’s the worst that could happen anyway?!

As I reflect, I see how many times I’ve let excuses limit my own ability to expand what’s possible for myself. It makes me sad in a way. But the only thing to do is change how I relate to the excuses moving forward. “Don’t think, just do” is one of my mantras. It serves me well. What are you holding yourself back from? What excuses are you using to protect yourself from your own greatness? Excuses are always going to come up. I’m excited to see what we can all accomplish once we let them go.

-Reid