Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Dare You is an entirely reader-supported publication. To receive weekly posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
A few weeks ago, I was lying on my bed with a T-shirt draped over my face in an attempt to block the sun out of my eyes, and in the midst of doing a guided meditation whose purpose was to provide clarity. Clarity on what, you might ask…. Clarity on the meaning of life? Clarity on my purpose perhaps? Clarity on what my next move should be? The point is, I was seeking answers.
In my mind’s eye, I was led down a path and laid in a peaceful meadow when the narrator’s voice then said, “Now, let your higher self reveal what is blocking you from having what you want.” At this point, I was kinda hypnotized, so I had no choice but to witness my higher self in her own special way, tell me that the biggest thing blocking me from receiving what I want was…. THE FEAR OF BEING DISLIKED.
Shortly after this revelation, the mediation came to a close. I sat upright, threw the T-shirt off my face, and audibly said “Woah, she’s right.” My higher self WAS right! The fear of being disliked is holding me back and has been for a while… possibly my whole life. I have subconsciously believed that if I shine too bright, if I become too successful, if things get too good for me, then people might want to come after me and knock me off my pedestal. A feeling similar to what some call “Tall Poppy Syndrome,” which
from reminded me of this week. Tall Poppy Syndrome occurs when a person who has achieved success and stands out in a certain way is then subjected to criticism, resentment, and rejection by their peers and/or the public. We see it all the time with public figures who are built up to then be immediately torn down. Entertaining to observe, but terrifying at the thought of experiencing it as ones self.I wonder how many times I have held myself back from saying what I wanted to say, writing what I wanted to write, creating what I longed to create, doing what I wanted to do, all because I was afraid to be disliked? I have always gone after what I wanted in life, but part of me feels like the fear of being disliked has been running the show behind the scenes for some time now.
After completing the meditation, I made a commitment to myself that I would dedicate my energy to overcoming this fear and get comfortable with the fact that not everyone will always like me or the art I make. I want to be the kind of person who puts themselves out there in the world in a way that is fearless and brave, without being afraid of other peoples judgements. Because no matter what, people will always judge you. There is no escaping it.
Someone once told me, “If there is no one that dislikes you, then you are doing something wrong.” That really got me. In a way, if nobody dislikes me, then that means I’m not showing up as my authentic self in the world; it means I’m not putting myself out there or saying what I truly think, doing what I know is right for me.
The fear of being disliked is very common, especially in today’s world of social media where pointing the finger and name calling make it easier than ever to ruin someone’s reputation. It’s made us afraid to take risks and voice our true opinions out of fear of being labeled as a “bad person.” This fear has bled into how we make art, how we choose relationships, how we show up in friendships, etc. When it comes to making art, It’s not only the fear of having what we create be disliked, but the fear that it might be considered mediocre or not elicit a response at all.
The truth is, in art, everything is subjective. A film could win the Oscar for Best Motion Picture and have a slew of people who couldn’t stand it. This essay might resonate with many of you while others may roll their eyes at it. Acceptance and ownership for who we are and what we create make the lack of praise seem obsolete.
Perhaps the time has come where my craving to be seen as my full self is stronger than my longing to be liked by everyone. When all is said and done, try to remember that this is YOUR life and YOUR experience alone. What other people think of you truly has no merit or meaning, and when people dislike you, it provides nothing to your experience on this earth. Yes, it is important to feel of service and that your life’s work has an impact on peoples lives, but in order to live up to our fullest potential we must express ourselves with bold honesty, which might not resonate with everyone. That’s the risk we take. When we lay our heads on our pillows tonight, may we feel the feeling of pride and satisfaction in knowing that we were unapologetically true to ourselves without fear or hesitation.
-Reid
I too have come to the same realization—that I need to be liked by everyone!!!! And it’s exhausting! And the truth is, you could bend over backwards for someone and think you’re doing “all the right things’ and they’ll still hold something against you. To think you can control what others think about you is a colossal waste of energy. It’s harder, and braver, to be your true self and say “screw what others think - I’m going for it!” ❤️
Very well put 🙌🏻