On Lack Mentality and Learning to Trust Again
What returning fears have taught me about surrender
Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Dare You is a reader-supported publication. To receive weekly posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. 💗
Stick with me through this one… I’m going somewhere.
I’m going on night four of very little to no sleep, and the exhaustion is starting to get to me. I finally caved and cancelled pilates class since it’s probably a safety hazard to have a pregnant girl with a high likelihood of dozing off mid split operating a reformer.
I hear my husbands voice in my head saying, “it’s fine to cancel!” But still… the twelve dollar late cancelation fee and the guilt of not exercising my very pregnant body can’t help but weigh on me. In my head, I run through all the other things I could be spending twelve dollars on and immediately regret cancelling, as it feels VERY irresponsible of me… more irresponsible to throw away a couple of bucks than risk my own safety and the safety of my unborn child?…. REALLY?
I check myself and recognize the all too familiar voice in my head… my good ole lack mentality.
I swear, it’s like taking five steps forward and four steps back with this thing. Ever since my late teens, when I moved to Los Angeles, I’ve struggled with this lack mentality that I just can’t seem to shake. I do believe that being frugal at times is a good thing, but I wish I could just not obsess over the small things. I must admit, this lack mentality has gotten waaaay better over the years, as I’ve really made it a priority to overcome, but whenever it creeps back in, it’s like the flood gates have opened. First it’s the twelve dollar pilates cancellation fee, next thing I know I’m down the rabbit hole of financial planning my family’s future and all the things that could go wrong.
It got me thinking about the things we are all working through that keep popping up in our lives. Everyone has their own version of a lack mentality…. you know, that thing you’ve been trying to let go of your entire life, but it seems to keep popping up. And why do some things we try to release go away, while others continue to linger?
There have been thought patterns and mental blocks that have held me back that I have been able to finally shake and completely let go of… like my old limiting belief of feeling unloveable. God, that one plagued me for years… if you had asked me in my twenties if I thought I was lovable, I would have said “Duh!” But deep in my subconscious, I just never felt good enough.
I spent years chipping away at this limiting belief, working to reprogram it, until slowly but surely it was gone. I remember being mid walk around the Silverlake Reservoir, listening to the new Phoebe Bridgers album, when I took a pause and realized that I had recently started to relate to myself differently and therefor had begun to move through the world in a lighter way. I felt true peace and happiness within myself, and I remember the feeling of begin so proud of myself and the woman I had become. It’s not a surprise that a short two weeks later, I met my husband.
If I was able to release that feeling of being unloveable, then why in the world can I not let go of this limiting lack mentality around finances?! I always thought I would have overcome this by now…. I’m in the most stable place financially I have ever been… why does this keep popping up?
The women’s group I meet with every week is currently doing a study of the book “Consider The Lillies” which is all about letting go of anxiety by surrendering and putting our faith in God. In chapter four, the author says something along the lines of, “Your anxiety is an invitation to draw closer to God.” Interesting. This allows me to take a deep breath because, in a way, it takes the shame out of my anxiety and worry around money… knowing that this is an invitation for me to drawer closer to my higher power makes it feel like a good thing and not so shameful.
Perhaps the reason this lack mentality continues to pop up is because I still have a few more lessons to learn in the act of surrendering it? Every time we attempt to loosen our grip, we grow closer to our higher selves… we string the moments of peace together until the feeling is no longer fleeting but ever present. It’s like with grief… every time we stop running from it and instead allow ourselves to fully feel it, we soften it’s sharp edges just a little more.
What if this lack mentality is an old protector that just doesn’t know it can rest yet?Acknowledging how it once kept me safe from going broke, but it has now served its purpose, allows me to meet it with compassion instead of frustration. Gently reminding it that I am no longer in survival mode and that my circumstances have changed.
Maybe this fear isn’t proof that I haven’t healed… it’s proof that I care. And I really do care… a lot. I care a lot about becoming a good mother. I care a lot about being a good friend. I care a lot about leaving a positive mark on this world and the people I interact with. I care a lot about building a life that feels safe, abundant, and rooted in love… not just for me, but for my family. And maybe this fear is simply the shadow side of that care, the part of me that wants to protect what matters most. If that’s true, then there’s nothing wrong with me for feeling it. It just means I’m human, deeply invested, and learning how to hold my hopes with trust instead of tension.
Everyone has their own version of a lack mentality that keeps popping up throughout their life… yours could be related to time, love, youth, success. Our limiting beliefs that we thought we had already overcome tend to return when we are going through a time of transition. When they resurface, that doesn’t mean we have failed.
Maybe the things that return aren’t setbacks. Perhaps they’re checkpoints asking us if we’re ready to choose trust again. And choosing trust again doesn’t have to look like some grand declaration or perfectly calm nervous system. Sometimes it looks small and ordinary. It looks like canceling Pilates, paying the twelve dollars, taking a nap, and letting yourself be taken care of… by your body, by your partner, by God, by life itself.
I don’t think healing is a straight line. I think it’s cyclical. We revisit the same lessons at different stages of life, each time with a little more wisdom, a little more softness.
And maybe the lack mentality returning isn’t to suck me back in… but to show me how far I’ve come. It might just be the biggest gift I’ve been given all day.
And maybe the goal was never to completely eradicate fear or lack, but to learn how to meet them without abandoning ourselves in the process.
-Reid
📹 Meanwhile on Youtube: 📹
How I’m Preparing for Motherhood as a First Time Mom (Mentally, Emotionally & Physically)
Starting Over in Your 30s (And Why It’s The Best Decade)
Become UNHINGED: This Is How You Make This Your Best Year Yet
Beautiful reminder! 💙