Tips for dealing with rejection

...from a professional reject.

Jun 04, 2024

Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Dare You is a reader-supported publication. To receive weekly posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

A few years ago, I was at La Pergoletta on Hillhurst with my friend Lysette. It was in the thick of covid, and we were sitting in the parking lot, drinking our Lambrusco while simultaneously shoving pieces of olive oil drenched bread into our mouths. We were catching up on life, work, love, and all things living in a big city during a pandemic. On the subject of work, I was mentioning how many auditions I had been on that I never got.

“You are like a professional reject. It’s really admirable.” She said.

“What about, you are a professional at getting rejected? That might sound better…” I replied. We both laughed. I knew what she meant and took it as a compliment because she was acknowledging how hard I had worked thus far.

But she was right. Being an actor is a career path filled with constant rejection, and after some time, you get good at it. Rejection is something you can master and have it work FOR you instead of letting it set you back. Of course, it sucks to not get something that you really, really, really, wanted, but the more you get rejected, the less it bothers you and the more it fuels you. I wish I could be a perfect specimen who always wins and just came out of the womb perfect… but alas, I am not and we must adjust.

The more you get rejected and the more you fail, the quicker you win. You build strength and grow a thick skin. You learn how to pick yourself up and bounce back quicker. The more you try something, the better you get at it. I became a better actor by going on all those auditions for jobs I never booked. I grew more confident in who I was and what I wanted in a relationship the more dates I went on. If you aren’t putting yourself in positions where you could possibly be rejected, or lose, or not meet a certain goal… go get after it. When you put yourself out there and risk losing, you only get stronger.

It feels like there is this pressure for some to seem like they have never been rejected and never been wrong. I can understand this pressure because the world has made us hard… don’t show any weakness, have it all together, be the best. But what if we were soft? What if we chose softness, realness, and authenticity? Because I don’t know a single person on this planet that has never been rejected, never been wrong, or never been defeated. Someone who was rejected over and over again but never gave up and finally got what they were working so hard for… now THAT’S an inspiring story. I think when you are low, thats when the real ones root for you. Thats how you find your people.

Tips for dealing with rejection:

Give yourself a deadline:
Whenever I get rejected or things don’t go as I had planned, I always give myself a deadline. So let’s say it’s 10am and I just got rejected… I’ll say “By 4pm this afternoon I am going to let it go.” I allow myself to feel all my feelings and throw myself whatever pity party I deem fit until 4pm, and then I move on. By giving yourself a deadline, you are creating a safe container for you to feel your feelings, take whatever lessons you may have learned from this round of rejection, and then move on to the next one.
Make a list of all your accomplishments and good things in your life:
It’s that easy. Make a list of all your good qualities and times you have won and all of your achievements. When you list them out and read them back to yourself, you realize how much you have already achieved and that you aren’t a failure.
Get busy:
The best thing you can do after you’ve had your pity party and passed your deadline is to get busy. Get started on your next project or create your game plan for the next shot you take. Even just doing chores around the house… do anything that will build your self-esteem and get your mind off of your most recent rejection.
Focus on the work rather than the result:
My boyfriend always tells me to not get my hopes up, and I always ignore him and still get my hopes up because I do my best when I think optimistically! But he has a point… and I think where both his and my ideologies align is to focus on the work rather than the result you are working towards. When you are focusing on the task at hand and being in the moment, thats where we can all do our best work and actually enjoy the process rather than feeling the pressure of the goal hanging over our heads. When I’m acting and just staying in the present moment, I do a way better job than when I’m trying to make the moment what I think it is supposed to be. The same goes in life.

So how can you start to put yourself out there more and risk being rejection? By finding more ways to take risks, you will learn a whole lot about yourself, and who knows… you just might win.

-Reid