What I’ve Learned from Putting Myself Out There Online

Why sharing my voice mattered more than any role I ever played.

Hi, I’m Reid! I write about my life experiences and how we can all live in brave new ways. Dare You is a reader-supported publication. To receive weekly posts and support my work, please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. 💗

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Never in a million years did I ever plan on putting myself out there online. The plan was always to become an actress and hide behind the characters I’d play... It seemed much more mysterious and glamorous that way. Over the years, as I put more and more time and effort into my acting career and sacrificed things like an education, romantic relationships, and travel, I began to think that the characters I played were, in fact, more interesting than me. Who would think I had anything important to say?

It wasn’t until the 2023 strikes, when my industry was completely shut down, that something changed. I found myself lacking purpose and feeling so utterly unfulfilled that I had no other choice but to entertain the idea of expressing myself in another way. For the first time, I had no auditions, no sets to be on, no scripts to memorize…just silence. And in that silence, all the doubts I had spent years pushing down began to rise. But oddly enough, so did a quiet voice inside me that had something to say. Not as a character, not through someone else's words, but as me.

That’s when I started sharing my thoughts online. Not to seek validation for a performance I gave, but to connect. And the more I shared, the more I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t have to hide behind characters anymore to feel interesting. Maybe my own voice was worth hearing all along. I realized that I didn’t need to have accomplished huge things for my thoughts to be worth hearing, but that the perspective through which I see the world, and find meaning in the seemingly monotonous moments of life, is enough to give others pause.

Perhaps that’s why I have yet to achieve all of my goals as an actress. It is highly likely that if I had won an Oscar by now and seen my face plastered on billboards that I would have never come to this realization that my perspective matters. Sometimes, we have to find out we are special through the disappointment of rock bottom… the times when there is no one giving you an opportunity, no one choosing you, no one even remotely interested in your talents. That’s when you have no choice but to choose yourself and just decide that what you have to share matters.

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“I realized that I didn’t need to have accomplished huge things for my thoughts to be worth hearing, but that the perspective through which I see the world, and find meaning in the seemingly monotonous moments of life, is enough to give others pause.”

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The internet has been around since I was a child, so it’s not like I didn’t have the opportunity to share until recently. Yes, I do have slight regrets that I didn’t share sooner… but honestly, it’s kind of beautiful upon reflection. Looking back on my life, I will see the time before I started sharing on the internet, and after. Before, I was a girl who was afraid to voice her opinions, did not feel lovable unless she was perfect, only felt comfortable in the land of “not good enough” because it was safer to hide than risk being seen for who she truly was, for fear of being rejected in the end.

And now, I feel like a completely different person. It’s as if I’ve finally come into my own. My thoughts are voiced without fear of being judged, I don’t care so much about displeasing others when I speak my truth, and it’s totally fine if you don’t like me. I feel much happier this way and like I’ve finally relaxed into myself.

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“…the times when there is no one giving you an opportunity, no one choosing you, no one even remotely interested in your talents. That’s when you have no choice but to choose yourself and just decide that what you have to share matters.”

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If any of this resonates with you, and you feel afraid to share your own perspectives, you don’t have to share online in order to realize your thoughts are important. Start by writing in a journal that no one else will read. Or perhaps you start a blog that you write anonymously. Whatever form of communication you may choose, give yourself permission to share openly and freely, and watch the shift happen in you as you begin to trust your own voice. The act of expression, even in private, is a quiet rebellion against self-doubt. Over time, your words will become a mirror for the wisdom and strength that were always there.

-Reid

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